I wasn’t very happy with the re-shuffle of the role. For the past two years since I entered the Company, I have been told to keep track of the sponsored prizes, because the previous staff was said to have stolen a Bangkok trip voucher. This year, I have been asked to pass on the role to another girl, due to the ‘unaccountable differences’ we had last year. My manager looked into my eyes and asked if I still remember what have happened. I seriously cannot remember that there is anything wrong with the collections. Especially when our Company is so strict with the supplier gifts and gratitude, who on earth with the right set of mind would want to take anything from the contributions. I am so angry that I could almost burst out in tears. However, I do not want to create any argument, all I wanted is to present all the supporting documents (attached sponsored letters and the accurate balances) to prove my innocent. If I am being said as someone who did not handle the accounts properly, there is no more meaning for this work anymore. All the cares and the efforts have gone wasted, not only that my work has not been appreciated, I am being now falsely accused. And if there is any suspicion, why wait until one year to ask me if I remember anything. I am sorry; there is nothing I could remember at all. I know is that when somebody’s mind is playing trick on their memories, it would be locked and being it whether it is true or false, it is hardly replaceable.

I could not hold myself or controlled my emotions as I am trying very hard to hold back my tears. It’s tears of anger. During lunch, I told one of my colleagues who checked on my work and her replies is a comfort because all she could remember is that the final sums are accurate.

The very next day, I gathered all the supporting documents to place them in front of my boss, asking which part of the spreadsheet is not clear. She told me it was another issue, and not that she has suspected that I have taken anything. I pushed and demand for a reason, as I want to be very sure that my work is clear. My boss said it is another matter which is hard to explain to me. I pressed on to ask what the matter is, as I do not want any ambiguity that could affect my reputation. If I am wrong, please tell me where because I am a person who will admit all mistakes, but I do not accept falsely accused mistakes. I have then been told that it is due to some inaccurate currency exchanges (even though I took the exchange rates from the accounts department), I still buy the story since my boss has make effort to make excuses and my un-contentment about this matter has been so obvious enough that I am sure I would not be falsely suspected again.

When more people are involved, things just gets messier, I remember doing a lot of things alone, and the workload is much more than this year, but it seems a lot easier as there are less confusion and unnecessary communication which gives me more time to concentrate on the actual work. This year the consolidation is messy. Another person took charge of the collection, yet we still need the figures but not all information has been revealed to us, and we need to create another spreadsheet and re-enter the details to the exact column as we need to compare with the previous year. The prizes have been collected by different people and the committees are involved, other department has also got the gift and place directly at the collection area. It only means that some gifts are not recorded and then it was reported that there are amount missing. As far as I know, the girl who is now doing the collection has balance the supporting letters and gift vouchers, and I have telly both the figures too. I have hence passed on all the vouchers to the committee members, it was then said that one supplier has already contributed but the vouchers are missing, and in another day said that the vouchers re-surfaced and the lost is from another supplier. One committee member passes the blame on me to clear her conscious. We are being ask for an explanation on the lost together. Since the day the committee members have detached the vouchers from the sponsored letters, there is no way that I could trace for the lost anymore. I could not come up with any reasons and there is no way I could find anything because the story is one-sided and I have not come across the supplier, the letters nor the vouchers. If we are being insisted to give any reasoning, the easiest way out is that all the parties who are being suspect shall pay for the vouchers together. I would rather pay money to show that I am innocent and willing to take up the responsibility for the lost than giving myself headache thinking of something which I do not know. The said committee member wanted not to pay anything but push it to me, as she has long lost her creditability, I think my boss would agree with me on this.