My Grandpa is very lucky. He has all his children and grandchildren by his side before he breathes his last.
I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing to have the days numbered. I have wondered how he would have felt if he is able to speak? Will he be happy to have his family staying around to care for him? Or would he rather holding on to his last pride?
For the family, it would be glad for us to be able to do something, by accompanying at his side, massage for him, feed him and do things for him. It makes us feels better, as in we are able to do something for him.
It is through the care for my grandfather that I have realized how much a cancer patient is suffering. I have to really salute to my father for hiding his pains so well that I did not detect anything amiss. He has loved us so much that he is not willing to let us feel the pains. I am sorry, I felt sorry that I was not able to do anything for him and this really makes me feels bad. There is nothing for me to do to compensate this regret. I need to carry this guilt forever with me to remember to take care of the living better.
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